Los Cripallas Del Nowalkios

I frequently encounter evil hoards of combat throughout my voyage to
vengeance.  None more evil than the notorious Los Crippallas Del Nowalkios.  Yes,
faithful followers, an intimidating name indeed.  The name of a Mexican
gang from Mexico whom I encountered in Mexico a few years ago in Mexico as
I negotiated the purchase a herd of Mexican goats…………in Mexico.

Two months ago, Midget Ninja received a note from a former training
partner of mine whom I had violently slain so often in the dojothat he chose to permanently cease all training and
become what he termed as “a normal 92 year old retiree”.  He informed me he
had received coded intel stating that the thuggish bastards who senselessly
slaughtered my majestic mother and ran a purple vein train on her as she
laid gasping for her last breath, could be south of the border conducting
some forms of questionable business with the Los Cripallas Del Nowalkios.
Not one to be intimidated, I traversed the challenging landscape of the
city bus stop and endured the grueling 312 hour, 98 mile trip deep into the
heart of Mexican gang country, cleverly disguised as a Mexican Midget
Ninja seeking to conduct questionable business by purchasing a herd of
Mexican goats.  I had laid the bait and now waited for the creatures of the
unsavory night to approach their impending doom.

Immediately, an obovious gang member by the name of Julio Escuela Rodriguez
Ortiz Muchacho Del Fuego, whom I called Diane for short, approached me in
what I later learned to be a wheelchair.  Apparently, a wheelchair is a
mechanism for treacherous villains and thugs who believe they are superior
to those of us who walk.   Speaking to me in some untranslatable form of
gang speak or “Spanish” as he called it, I decyphered through my sharp
ninja senses that he was either offering to provide seven cousins to pour
my driveway or he was interested in conducting questionable business with
me for seven Mexican goats.  Believing the bait was taken, I followed him.
Could this finally be resolution for my cold dead mothers rotted corpse
which lay in my living room watching her favorite TV show?

Midget hand on bow staff, I cautiously entered the dark lair.  Ninja senses
immediately detected all ramps, no stairs.  Nice try Los Cripallas Del
Nowalkios, nice try, but your efforts to confuse me failed.  Sensing their
tomfoolery was ineffective, the leader rolled up to me and began
“negotiating” with his lazy eye and broken english the purchase as Diane
herded seven Mexican goats from his diabolical chair of superiority into
the middle of our location.  “Who killed my mother?” I asked directly as
these pristeen goats were milked as evidence of their high value.  “Who
killed my mother?” I asked again but louder, as one of the male goats began
to penetrate one of the female goats in the act of making goat love, a
blatant attempt by the Nowalkios to distract me as the other goats and gang
members surely prepared to attack before I had the chance to act first.  “I
am asking for the last time, Diane, which one of you killed my mother and then plowed her majestic
vagina and turd basket as she died?!”.  I am still uncertain to this day
what “Quieres Comprar estas cabras bien?” translates to in untranslatable
gang speak but Midget Ninja receives threats from no one.

Strict Ninja Code 7D section 18 dictates when surrounded by attack goats
and receiving threats in untranslatable gang speak, Ninja Honor must be
defended.  Weilding the mighty hand carved hickory oak, I executed fifteen
gang members, deactivated their evil transportation machines, and
slaughtered seven Mexican goats, two of which were still fucking.
Nunchuks, Nunchuks, Nunchuks, Nunchuks, quicker than something really
really fast, I crippled the legs of the corpses with surprisingly little to
no effort to display to those who would find them that Midget Ninja plays
not.

Covered in blood, dust, wheelchair parts, and goat semen, I sadly realized
that now, despite upholding the ninja code which I have lived my life to
defend, I may never get my driveway poured or find out who is directly
responsible for killing my sweet, untainted saint of a mother.  Yet, I
could move forward, satisfied that these sadistic Los Cripallas Del
Nowalkios could no longer intimidate the innocent thanks to Midget Ninja.  Also, Mexican
goat meat is fantastic.